“The magic trick is done, perfect. Now I just have to write the patter and figure out why spectators might care about it.”

“This routine may humiliate you but my therapist says it helps me with my feelings of inadequacy.”

“I obtained this relic during my most recent trip to Earth.”

“I obtained these relics during my recent trip to Peoria, Illinois.”

“I obtained this relic during my most recent trip to India.”

She’s perfect. She’s beautiful. She’s talented. But she’s really cutting into my mirror time.